stupidity :D

It happens to everyone. Don't think it doesn't. We have moments where we are stupid. Obviously, I could be talking about the life-changing foolish things we do, but I'd rather talk about the slip-ups that just make us ashamed of ourselves.

My own examples (I love examples) :

--A lot of dim moments come when the English language gets to be too complicated. Just earlier this week, I was telling a friend about what had happened in Spanish class, saying,

"She said to participate if you need stamps, but i didn't, so I sleeped!"

SHAMEFUL.

--Sometimes, common sense is just not registered in time. Unintelligent moment. Really.

"If we leave the candles in the car, will they melt?"

Well duh, Shelby. Way to go me. Wax melts due to heat. SHAMEFUL.

I can laugh at my own not-so-bright moments because I know that I am a bit more intellectual than that. I encourage everyone to laugh at themselves after saying or doing something stupid, because it wasn't purposeful, and, to be honest, it's funny!

being worthy? and lying.

A lot of the time I wonder what I deserve. There's always those strong souls who say things like "I deserve a good man","I don't deserve to be treated like this", "I deserve a good life". They know what they deserve, but I don't. I probably don't deserve great treatment or a good man.

I lie a lot, even about insignifigant stuff. I'm quick to judge on occasions. I don't go to church as much as my grandmother would like me to. I yell at my parents, I'm a huge procrastinator, I bet the music I download is illegally done so. I should get exactly what I deserve, which is what? Beats me. But I'm positive I get way more than I ought to have.

So why can't I be more grateful? I should change my faults, then feel worthy of what I have. But old habits die hard. And that's a big problem, I can get away with stuff because I'm a good liar. Which is so shameful. I can openly admit that! I need to change. Oh! There's another problem, change freaks me out! So I lull...I do nothing. Which isn't exactly helpful.

This is the point I can't get past. I've done the realization that I want to change. I'm come to realize I'm afraid of change. So now what? How do I make myself change? Is it even possible for me to stay committed to start telling the truth, or better yet, don't do something that will result in me wanting to lie about? Can I stop judging people, stop procrastinating, stop arguing with my mom and dad?

I want to. I really do. But then comes the fear, if I change myself, will I get what I deserve then? I get more than I deserve now, but what if when I truly deserve great things, I don't get them?

I've asked so many questions in this blog, and the sad thing is, I doubt they'll ever be answered.

...

gone baby gone.

My favorite time of year is gone again. And to your surprise, I'm not talking about summer. I am referring to that transition period between summer and fall. But every year, I see it coming, but then it's gone before I got to enjoy it. It always slips by because this time of year is so busy. School, sports, friends, homework, sleeping. Nowhere in that schedule does it say "take a little time and go outside."

Which brings me to the part where I tell you why this summer-fall shift is the most glorious thing. Just envision with me for a second, mmkay? You walk out the door, feel the crisp breeze that warns you to soon say good-bye to the sweltering days, you inhale a sharp cool breath that feels like it cleans you internally, and just look at your surroundings.

Outside, your eyes witness nature taking place. The trees. Oh, the trees. They are splendid. The colors I can only describe with "V" words--vivid and vibrant. The bright yellows and fiery reds and glowing oranges. It is outrageous! But, sadly, it does not last long. Soon, the colors of the leaves become deep and rich. The reds become hearty purples, the yellows are golden, and the orange leaves just vanish. They're still pretty, but its not the same.

I just wish I would have cleared out one of my Saturdays during this limited time and laid a blanket outside and given my attention to the time of year I find most beautiful. Those colors dancing before my eyes...oh. Maybe next year.

so where's the undo button?

Here's one thing I struggle with constantly. Once you do something, it cannot be undone. Life is not a Microsoft Word document. There is no backspacing over an error. You must live with the consequences.

Ohhhhh, the countless times I have said something and immediately regretted it. With no "undo" button, I suffered through the outcome of my words. Samesies for my actions. Even the things that happened on accident! I have no way to undo my mistakes. I can apologize, but the damage is already done.

So, I must be more careful about my words and actions, because there will never be an undo button. Mishaps occur, and I shall deal with their results.

shallow words.

Words have become meaningless. People throw around words that are supposed to mean so much, and they say them so often...they've just lost their meaning. "I'm sorry." Pfft. You did something wrong, and you don't want to have anyone upset with you anymore. So you apologize. Chances of sincerity? Unlikely. Then when someone is truly sorry, it's hard to believe. That's just not fair.

"I love you." Ha. This phrase has no meaning at all anymore! It's said in a manner that is joking, or friends are saying it to other friends. I'm guilty of telling my friends I love them. I don't know. I used to fight it, but it was a battle that could not be won. That leaves people who are in love at a loss for the perfect words.

Because the perfect words have been worn down, stripped of their meaning. Can we come up with new phrases to express our feelings? Instead of "I'm sorry" we could say..."I'm exceedingly remorseful." Instead of "I love you" we could say..."I'm crazy passionate about you." Do you think they'll catch on?? No. But I myself might start saying them. An army of one. Woop de woop.

Maybe we'll just have to resort to actions. This would probably be the best thing. You're sorry? Do things to show just how much you'd like to be forgiven. You love someone? Show them. Be creative on that one.

After all, don't they say actions speak louder than words?

school.

So, I've thought of a way to describe school quite well. It's an analogy, and for the most part it works.

The school year is like a pregnancy. It's the same exact length! 9 months... I mean, that is not the only similarity. Before the school year, you're having the time of your life. Same with a pregnancy. Yeah. At the beginning of the school year, it's all very exciting and new and you learn all of the rules of how things are going to work, similar to a pregnancy. Throughout the course of being pregnant, you learn a lot of things, about yourself included, just like in a year of school. You have good times and bad times in both. You wake up every morning and know that it's your obligation to do this, and you have to be responsible. You have to commit and work hard for both of them. There are times when you just want to be done! But you must persevere. And just like a pregnancy, school may come easier to others and for some it can be really difficult. But there you are, at the end of the school year/pregnancy, sad to see it go for some reason, but also excited to see what the future holds.

Of course, the difference is that at the end of it all, you usually don't end up with a ton of babies.

stereotypes

I hate stereotypes. I hate being stereotyped. But it's something that has happened so often that I'm used to it. Just today the stereotype that teenagers don't read was brought to my attention. Sure, a lot of teenagers don't belong to a book club or anything, or even check a book ou from the library, but I do! I'm usually always reading a book. But since there are a few teenagers that aren't as infatuated with reading as I, then the assumption that ALL teenagers don't read. Who is a person to say something like that? It's like noticing that an old man and his friends don't like pancakes...so all old men don't like pancakes. That's a bit foolish, but truly, all stereotypes are foolish. Of course, sometimes I fit perfectly into a stereotype, but even when I do, a ton of other people don't! Yet they are just classified away. Not cool.

There's been a few instances when stereotypes have ever gotten under my skin. The one I'm going to tell you about is one that happened just last year. I made a swell powerpoint for my history class, presented it, and awaited my score. Alas, the teacher handed me the paper that showed me how many points I recieved and why. I looked over the paper, and everything looked good until my eyes came across the words "plagierism" and I saw I was docked points. To believe that I would plagiarize! That's ridiculous. I was so angry and upset that I would be accused of something I have never done! I was close to saying something to her but I was just too angry and did not need to get in trouble for saying something I didn't mean to. So I kept my mouth shut, brought down the use of big words and complex sentences, and loathed the fact that I had been stereotyped as unintelligent enough to read something and put it in to my own words.

There's only one thing I want to say about this whole judge one, judge all thing...don't do it! Everybody's different, more than you'll even know.

first of many blog posts.

Well. Here I am. Ready to write about anything I want to. I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind at any given point, so here goes!

My father. He's a good guy. He's normal, otherwise than the amount of embarrassing he must be to be called a parent. But he has an obsession: buying vehicles. Right now, we have more than enough vehicles. Yet still he car shops. I don't even know where we come up with the money to pay for all of the vehicles we have! I wouldn't be surprised if my parents told me they had a secret bank account just for buying cars. In the last year, my dad purchased...3 cars. He bought a motorcycle a few years back. My sisters and I call it Midlife Crisis #1. It would be his only midlife crisis if he hadn't bought a spaceship-type car a while after that...Midlife Crisis #2. But he's so proud when he rides his vehicles, and he LOVES getting compliments. He bought my mom a bright yellow something this year, and even though my mom isn't crazy about yellow, she agreed because, hey, she got a new car! She likes receiving compliments too.

There's ups and downs to my fathers obsession. Some ups: -When I get my license, I can car shop in my own garage. -It makes my father happy, it's practically his only hobby! -If any one of the several cars we have gets totalled in an accident, we're all good. Downs: -It drives me and my mother crazy that my dad always wants to drive around car lots. -There's no way he can keep buying cars at the rate he's going. -We have enough cars already!

So I'm going to propose an idea to my dad--you may look at cars, but you must not buy! I think it'd be quite a good idea. I'll let him do what he loves to do. But he mustn't buy another car, we don't have any garage space!

Shelby Kay.

(P.S. - If you were curious, we have 6 vehicles. And that's not including the one's he lets my sisters use.)