blog.

it seems that every time there's a mock trial competition, i miss hard assignments, at least one quiz and test, and an hour of a movie with someone i love in it (yesterday it was jude law).

i suppose its worth it, but let me just say making up all of it is a bitch.

ayyyyy.

i can't blog right now. i have nothing to blog about. nothing nothing nothing.

do you ever try to focus, then your eyes just fuzz out and it takes quite a bit of effort to refocus them? that happens to me frequently.

i'm going to try giving up snacking. i feel so very unhealthy, and i think the problem is that i'm always eating. i just want to feel good again. since the weather is in the 30s, i'm running again. i missed running. and i don't like treadmills.

i know this isn't something that i should complain about, but my car is broken. i mean, i just got my license, my parents said i'd get the gold car for my birthday, and they didn't think to fix the roaring noise it makes BEFORE i got my license? ugh. i know there's people who have to buy their own cars or don't have a car of their own, but my dad's a quicker-fixer-upper for cars so he gave it to me. thanks sarcastically and non-sarcastically.

i'm sorry, math teacher. i hate math. hate hate hate. that's probably why i can't focus enough to do my assignments.

is that enough of a blog to count for a grade? that's all i got. complaints, complaints, complaints. sorry.

my fiery hatred!

i feel the need to remind everyone that if you are texting people (especially for countless hours) while you're actually with a person, I'M GOING TO HATE YOU.

when you grow out of the annoying-as-HELL texting stage, you're going to look back on the time you spent, and see you didn't really do ANYTHING but text. instead of texting, you could have been doing something. if you're with someone and you're texting, again, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN DOING SOMETHING. something memorable. instead of seen what was up with your friend that YOU WEREN'T EVEN WITH.

WHAT THE HELL. texting has got to be the worst invention. i mean, it's not even real communication.

people text during movies, school, church, meals, homework, when they wake up, when they go to bed and everywhere in between.

what a waste of life. it's a shame. a real god damn shame.

this friday.

Again, I must express my nervousness to take the test. The test that will tell me that I either at least another week stuck being the very most depressed person in the world or if I'm handed a small, square card that I can tuck in my wallet and smile such a smile that tells the world I've never been happier. It means a lot to me to get my license. It's going to be one of those moments in my life when I know things are going to happen. Get my license, get a job, learn responsibility.

This doesn't scare me. Not even a little. There was a point in my life where nothing really happened. My life has been comatose for years now. I want a job, I want to do things on my own, I need to. I'd like to go post secondary next year and move into a dorm, but I know it won't happen. I am independent. I didn't choose to be independent, I like people sometimes. I just am.

So when I'm forced to live with my parents for at the minimum of another year, it aggravates me. I know college is hard, I know living on my own is scary...for other people. I'm glad my parents will help me pay for school and a few bills, but I don't want to rely on them for everything. I want to do things on my own. Starting the day I get my license. Which could be Friday.

If I don't pass, I'm going to be so very sorry for the guy in my car when he says I didn't pass. He'll see me break down and absolutely weep. Hopefully he'll be smart and just leave before I punch him.

If I do pass, I'll probably still weep. But it'll be out of joy. So that makes it a bit better.

I don't care very much for birthdays. But I'm hoping this one is the one that I know things are finally progressing again.

drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive

it seems that i have 5 days until i take the test to get my license. that is something that has not completely escaped my mind for a moment. the idea that in 5 days, i no longer need to spend so much time with my parents. that might sound mean, but...well, yeah it is mean. but i know my parents and i know how unhappy i am around them. the thought of driving away from that house all by myself sounds too good to be true. of course, i'll be getting a job shortly after getting my license and i will spend even less time at home. i may be the only teenager to say this, but i am really excited to get a job.

with my explanation above, you can see that if i fail my test even once, i will go into quite a deep depression of some sort. i'm putting quite a bit of pressure on myself and i hope that i can do well under pressure.

that'd be just the dandiest thing, failing my test on my birthday and going in to a week-long depression until i had a shot to try it again. happy fricking birthday to me.



...

awkward

i'm awkward on so many levels. whenever i try to not be awkward, it backfires. let's say my goal today was to walk down a hallway without tripping, someone running into me, and not any of those awkward glances. what do i get? trip over a chair, many people not seeing me, thus running into me, and a handful of awkward glances. of course.

why must i speak, act, and be so very unfitting? the ability to just walk down a hallway and not feel as if i should just lay down and give up rather than go through awkward moment after awkward moment would be nice.

i'm doomed to be awkward, i understand. most days, i'm fine with that. but some days, i wish i was graceful and confident. that's all i'm saying.

groundhog day.

has there ever been a year that we haven't had 6 more weeks of winter? does that groundhog know every year he pops out, he's causing a great deal of pain to everyone that doesn't like winter? i hate groundhogs and shadows and cold.

i honestly can't blog for longer than a few sentences anymore. i am sorry, i am truly out of thoughts for a while. just give me a while, i'll get better.


MARCH 21=twilight movie on DVD. heck yes.